There’s no biblical mandate that men have to make the first move.
So I’m in my local pub last weekend when I find myself in a delightful conversation with a funny friend of mine whom tells me he find it weird when a chic asks him out. This leads me to my question: What would you think about when a woman makes the first move to a man? Societal norms would dictate that a man makes the first move, but that just doesn’t sit right with me. There’s no Christian value system in place that tells women that making the first move in a relationship is outside of their God-given role and there is no biblical basis for this thinking. Some will point to the unique roles of women and men within the pages of Scripture as proof of this belief. However, there is no mention of subservience of women—which is often what this really comes down to. The idea that a woman must wait on a man to initiate romance is nothing more than a way for men to exert false leadership.
Yes, I feel that strongly about this issue. But don’t take my word for it: Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish (Ephesians 5:22-27).
Many have used this passage (or part of it, at least) to make the case that women are the second tier on the humanities organizational chart. Yet a more thoughtful and educated reading illuminates that Paul is actually calling for mutual service and submission between both husbands and wives. There is no dominant spouse, there is only a mutually serving and sacrificial spouse. Which brings us back to our topic. Giving someone a phone number is, at its most rudimentary and earliest form, marriage practice. I’m not saying you have to want to marry this man in order to give him a number—far from it. However, you are doing one of a thousand acts that test the waters of compatibility. And in each one of these acts, you’ll learn a little more about this relationship and what it may (or may not) be evolving into. To that end, successful dating will require that both of you work and learn to serve each other—especially when it’s hard. Giving out a number is simply the first potential step into those waters, but it’s certainly not the only or most important step. It’s just one act. So go ahead, ask him out! As any good spouse can tell you, some of the most defining moments of their relationship came not because they did something great, but because the person they love helped refine them. That’s what you’re doing for him. You’re showing him that there’s a great opportunity in his life that he can choose to engage. (The great opportunity is you , by the way.) And while I’d love for more men to take this first step , it doesn’t mean they have to in order to be a realized man. Remember, the currency isn’t who did what first—it’s mutual service and submission.